This post is going to be a little different to what I usually write about. I do have a list of posts I want to write but I feel as though I need to veer off track for a moment. Yesterday one of my favorite fashion bloggers, Kyrzayda Rodriguez lost her battle with stomach cancer and although she may no longer be with us on earth, her inspiration and positive attitude has made an impact on many, myself included. In her last IG Live post her words to her 300k followers were simple yet powerful:
“What you want to do in life do it now! Don’t wait until the next hour or tomorrow.. no, go do it now!” – Kyrzayda Rodriguez
That one simple statement is really making me think and reflect. I have am spending so much of my life unhappy lately and I’m so tired of it. I want a change and I need to make it happen. Or, I at least need to be open and honest about how I feel.
Fall always brings a plethora of emotions for me. I suffer from severe seasonal depression (SAD), so when most people are excited about the leaves changing color and the start of the season of all things pumpkin, I’m just focused on how to keep my head above water for the next 8 months. In addition to the SAD, I’m a true summer soul and pumpkin spice lattes and the boots/leggings/scarf obsession just makes me want to run away.
On top of the feelings that I get from the change in seasons I’m feeling especially overwhelmed with some other aspects of my life. On the surface my life seems like it’s perfect. I have an amazing husband and a great marriage, two awesome pets, a beautiful home, a nice car, a closet full of clothes, great vacations… you get the picture. But the truth is that on the inside I feel as though something is missing. I have felt like this for a long time and it also consumes me with guilt because it makes me feel like the things I do have aren’t good enough, which is so far from the truth. My reality is that both my job and the city I live in make me unhappy every single day.
My mental health suffers daily because of those two things and trust me, I’ve tried it all to feel better. I could go on and on about how they make me unhappy but I can’t go down that rabbit hole. I’m dealing with almost two decades of unhappiness caused by both of them because no matter how hard I try to make them work, they never will, because they’re not right for me. The only thing that will work for me is change, and the only person who can make that change happen is me. At this point in time I don’t know what this looks like so stay tuned I guess!
On the positive side, this is where fashion and beauty come in. I have always been interested in fashion and beauty and it has always been a passion of mine, but as I get older I realize that it’s much more than that. It’s an escape for me. A way for me to focus my mental and emotional energy in a positive way rather than the struggle I feel in my day to day life.
If you made it this far, thank you for listening and for accepting my little space in the world where I feel as though I can share this. I’m so thankful that I have somewhere I can go to share the things I care about where I feel free from the judgement I feel in my daily life.